A Periodic Table

Inspired by the absurd glossaries in Ben Marcus’ The Age Of Wire And String, I’ve been tweeting a highly inaccurate periodic table, one element per day, at @FSVO.

HELIUM (He, 2) Weightless, intolerant gas. The levity of birds, aircraft and the Sun is due to their high helium content.

OXYGEN (O, 8) Luminous, edible gas, sacred in all human cultures. A wide variety of rituals govern its manufacture, use and safe disposal.

ARGON (Ar, 18) Dense, brittle gas, plentiful in Earth’s atmosphere. Rhetorical questions are rich in argon.

ZINC (Zn, 30) Light, transparent French metal. Often used as a garnish.

For more, go to @FSVO.

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