Oil films

James Cameron A rogue rigger joins forces with the strangely beautiful sophonts which live on the ocean floor, and they repel the destructive human invaders with the cooperation of an army of whale sharks and dugongs

Michael Bay After the leak is filmed from too many conflicting camera angles, it becomes terminally confused and retreats beneath the crust, then explodes

Katherine Bigelow Plugs the leak but no-one notices because they are too busy arguing about whether the oil industry was portrayed fairly and whether the executive shown talking on an iPhone was anachronistic

Woody Allen Would love to help but can’t miss his Monday jazz session

Werner Herzog CLOSE UP EXT. DAY: The leak. VO “It is as if the Earth’s blood is gushing from some giant wound.” CLOSE UP EXT. DAY: A bird, crippled by oil, on a Louisiana beach. VO “Look at its insane little eyes. It is as though the oil knows what it wants and acts out of mercy. Its hideous psychotic existence is at an end.”

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