The Comedy Wind Scale

0 – calm

1 – raises enough dust to reach the nose of a very short dog, causing it to sneeze.

2 – blows a newspaper off the face of a man napping in the park and onto the face of a cyclist, who rides his bike into the duckpond.

3 – ladies’ skirts are blown up, revealing lacy bloomers.

4 – little kids run around like crazy, grown-ups’ scarves and neckties stick out at amusing angles.

5 – gentlemen’s bowler hats are blown off and roll quickly along the footpath while they chase them.

6 – propels a bipedal coyote riding a skateboard fitted with a lateen-rigged sail.

7 – tears a hole in the coyote’s sail, leaving him becalmed in the path of an oncoming freight train.

8 – a lighthouse keeper sticks his head out of the porthole to check the weather and brings it back with his beard on the other side of his head.

9 – farmyard animals and outbuildings float lazily past. The animals are still walking with their usual gait.

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