Much Ado About Nothing

Shakespeare: the funny bits

Messina. Enter Claudio and Don Pedro.

Claud. I ♥ Hero.

Don P. I’ll pretend to be you and woo her.

Claud. OK!

Enter Benedick and Beatrice

Bene. Bitch.

Beat. Prick.


Enter Don John and Borachio.

Don J. Mwa-ha-ha-ha.

Bora. So. Margaret will pretend to be Hero, and I’ll pretend to be, well, some guy, only she’ll, I mean Margaret will think it’s Claudio –

Don J. You mean Don Pedro –

Bora. Yeah, whatever, talking to her at her window, and Claudio and Don Pedro will think Hero is a slut! And he won’t marry her!

Don J. Wait. Hero is a girl?

Enter Benedick and Beatrice, in love

Bene. I love you, slag. How’s about it then?

Beat. I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest, you wanker.

Aud. AWWWWWWWW [Throws rose petals.


Claud. Hey, guys? Guys? Where are you going? Turn those houselights off! We’ll have this wrapped up in three scenes, promise! …Damn!

2 responses to “Much Ado About Nothing

  1. Peter J Casey

    We need someone to do this to all of Shakespeare. And Shaw.

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