Messina. Enter Claudio and Don Pedro.
Claud. I ♥ Hero.
Don P. I’ll pretend to be you and woo her.
Enter Benedick and Beatrice
Enter Don John and Borachio.
Don J. Mwa-ha-ha-ha.
Bora. So. Margaret will pretend to be Hero, and I’ll pretend to be, well, some guy, only she’ll, I mean Margaret will think it’s Claudio –
Don J. You mean Don Pedro –
Bora. Yeah, whatever, talking to her at her window, and Claudio and Don Pedro will think Hero is a slut! And he won’t marry her!
Don J. Wait. Hero is a girl?
Enter Benedick and Beatrice, in love
Bene. I love you, slag. How’s about it then?
Beat. I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest, you wanker.
Aud. AWWWWWWWW [Throws rose petals.
Claud. Hey, guys? Guys? Where are you going? Turn those houselights off! We’ll have this wrapped up in three scenes, promise! …Damn!