Nottest 100

I was going to lay low about the Hottest 100 because I haven’t listened to the station since 1995 or so, so I figure it’s none of my business and anyway Gen X Curmudgeon is not one of my life goals but WHAT’S WITH THE NO GURLS CRAP? What happened to

Blondie – Union City Blue, Heart of Glass
Kate Bush – Wuthering Heights, Hounds of Love, Man with the Child in his Eyes
P J Harvey – Sheila-na-gig, Rid of Me
Jane Siberry – The Walking, The Bird in the Gravel
Missy Elliot – Get Ur Freak On, Work It
Salt n Pepa – Push It
Nina Simone – Mississippi Goddam
Billie Holiday – Strange Fruit
Lydia Lunch – Death Valley ’69
ABBA – Dancing Queen
Thelma Houston – The Only Way Is Up
Eartha Kitt – Just an Old Fashioned Girl, I Want To Be Evil
Siouxsie Sioux and the Banshees – Spellbound, Cities in Dust
Donna Summer – I Feel Love
Chicks On Speed – Kalte Klares Wasser
Marianne Faithfull – Why’d You Do It
Sinead O’Conner – Emperor’s New Clothes, Nothing Compares To U, Jump in the River
Karen Finley – Tales of Taboo
k d laing – Constant Craving
L 7 – Pretend that we’re Dead
Throwing Muses – Mania, Not Too Soon
Do Re Mi – Man Overboard, Warnings Moving Clockwise
The Breeders – Cannonball
Bonnie Tyler – Total Eclipse of the Heart
Madonna – Holiday, Like a Virgin
Dusty Springfield – Son of a Preacher Man
Betty Davis – Freak, Ain’t No Good at Fallin’ in Love
Janis Joplin – Piece of my Heart, Me and Bobby McGee, Mercedes Benz
Grace Jones – La Vie En Rose, Slave to the Rhythm, Pull Up To The Bumper
Tom Tom Club – Genius of Love, Wordy Rappinghood
Edith Piaf – No, je ne regrette rien
Jane Birkin – Je t’aime… moi non plus
Lene Lovich – Lucky Number
Björk – It’s Oh So Quiet, Hyperballad, Army of Me
Neneh Cherry – Buffalo Stance
Tracy Chapman – Talkin ‘Bout a Revolution
Look Blue Go Purple – Cactus Cat
Lauryn Hill – Doo Wop
Eurythmics – Here Comes The Rain Again, Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)
Yoko Ono – Walking on Thin Ice
The Shop Assistants – Safety Net
Hole – Miss World, Celebrity Skin
Aretha Franklin – Say a Little Prayer for You, R.E.S.P.E.C.T
Nancy Sinatra – These Boots Are Made For Walkin’

?

Not to mention all the songs by female artists that I couldn’t write down off the top of my head during my lunch break.

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13 responses to “Nottest 100

  1. Maybe in our universe Jane Siberry’s ‘The Walking’ would be included, but not Triple J’s.

    I’d also have Stina Nordenstam and Mary Margaret O’Hara in there…

  2. Yes. And I should have included Garbage and M.I.A. and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and…

    And I don’t remember JJJ ever playing anything from that Jane Siberry album when it was new.

    That list is like a deliberate parody of braindead rockist wank: it’s like someone wrung out the last two-three issues of Q magazine into a bowl.

  3. (It’s the real rockists and snobs that are expressing their rage at the absence of women, of course!)

    The list reveals that despite every iota of persistent flirtation with genre mashups, folk, hiphop, time signatures, electronica, novel ethnicities, genders and whatever else, public opinion is inextricably wed to the 4/4 beat with the mildest of syncopation, and four boys between twenty and thirty on a stage handling their cocks.

    I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t admit to enjoying the odd bout of four-boy cock-handling, but this is too much of a bland thing.

  4. Hey, there’s some Tool in there…. don’t they do time-signature changes?

    I’m genuinely dumbfounded that Rage Against The Machine are #2. Still? Really?

    It’s like someone froze JJJ in time at the exact point when I stopped listening to them because they were playing that idiotic fountain of Oedipal frat-boy anger over and over.

  5. Also, who you calling rockist?

    *hangs in a buffalo stance*

  6. I was going to say “Tool have more claim to a spot than most of the entries, though” but then wondered what on earth that would mean.

    What a farcical list.

    And yes, RATM at #2?! Which particularly pisses me off because I thought they were unbelievably faux even back in 1992, when I was fourteen. Even Select magazine used to refer to Zach de la Rocha as “the world’s richest socialist” fer chrissakes.

    And you’re clearly a rockist. Clearly. Husker Du? I mean really. With umlauts no less.

    I can’t discuss music any more … I spent the last week listening to about three songs by Hawkwind on repeat. Which is enough for me to lay charges of hypocrisy against myself on all matters of taste. My mind is gone!

  7. Damn. You got me on the Husker Du charge.

    Although if I were not an honest man, I’d edit the above list to include “Better The Devil You Know”.

    Just to claw back some of my poptimist credentials.

  8. Sorry about the Husker Du comment! Bit harsh.

    Is that because Nick Cave thought it was the most sinister pop song of the 80s? I remember that was his pseudo justification for inviting Kylie for a duet. I’d disallow it.

  9. No! – it’s because I think it’s an unbelievably good track – the purest disco bliss Kylie, or Stock Aitken Waterman for that matter, ever put on vinyl.

    As for Nick’s excuse: pah! The sanctimonious hypocrisy of the man. Makes me realise why I went off him.

  10. Peter J Casey

    Girls, no fighting.

  11. “Purest disco bliss”?

    Poorest, purest, purist!

  12. Pingback: Now That The Dead Horse Has Bolted « major to minor

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