Lately at home it’s all been variations on “why did the chicken cross the road?” When my ones get too nerdy and obscure for my kids, you have to read them here.

Why did the voluntarist cross the road?
Because she wanted to.

Why did the hedonist cross the road?
Because it felt good.

Why did Nietzsche cross the road?
Because it was his will.

Why did the materialistic determinist cross the road?
Because it was the inevitable consequence of a vast sequence of physical causes and effects, which if traced backwards in time would ramify rapidly outwards but which would then ultimately be seen to converge back upon the beginning of the Universe.

Why did the Buddha cross the road?
There is no road.

Why did Lao Tze cross the road?
It was not the true Way.

Why did Epimenides the Cretan cross the road?
“To demonstrate that all those who cross roads are liars,” he replied.

Why did Zeno of Elea cross the road?
He couldn’t.

6 responses to “Roads

  1. Peter J Casey

    Why did Robert Frost cross the road?
    To get to the one less travelled.

  2. I forgot this one

    Why did Wittgenstein cross the road?
    Because that’s what this particular language game required him to do.

  3. Why did Heidegger cross the road?

    To get to the horizon of handiness.

  4. Why did Heisenberg cross the road?

    He was going so fast he wasn’t sure that he actually had.

  5. Why did Godel cross the road?

    I’m not sure of his motivations, but I suspect you couldn’t prove them one way or another anyway.

  6. Ha!

    Why did Tom Waits cross the road?
    ‘Cause this Cuban in a green jacket showed a deck of cards with naked girls on them to a drunken sailor, and then he tore a hole in the side of an old church organ bellows and used it to make a ladder to the stars…

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