Top excuses for speeding this holiday season

Reading all these road signs is too complicated, like so much of your strange modern world

Distracted by my inner voice, which sounds like a never-ending wordless howl of rage and despair

Speed limits are just revenue-raising by the government and therefore constitute an unfair and discriminatory tax on people who can’t associate actions and consequences

Without speeding fines to complain about, would run dangerously low on of things to whinge about at family gatherings

Flux capacitor won’t operate correctly at low velocities

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